Lately I feel like almost every decision I make has to deal with choices about my time.
Do you guys feel like that?
Do I do this or this? Do we sign our kids up for this or that or maybe nothing? Will the world still turn if our kids aren’t signed up for anything? Do I work or workout? Keep working or go to bed? And on and on and on.
It’s rare that I have a day when I get to do everything I’d love to do – which I know is obviously true for everyone – but do you ever wish the choices weren’t so hard?
Last night I had to quit the Bible study I signed up for a while ago that started last week because not only did I not get all my readings done but I have so many deadlines I just can’t take the 2+ hours out of my day to go today. And with 18 sessions in the next three weeks that work time isn’t going to get easier to give up.
But then as I was thinking about it in bed last night and trying to figure out if quitting a Bible study that was obviously going to feed me and fill me in a way a morning spent at the computer won’t, I realized that sometimes there are other time choices at play also.
We visited The Gathering last Sunday and loved it. Actually, I was so overcome with emotion I cried several times during the service. I grew up Episcopal and while I have bucked a lot of the traditional parts of that service for years there is also a comfort in it that I didn’t realize I would miss so much until we were at church at The Gathering on Sunday and realized their service is a lot more traditional than we expected. Several of the more contemporary churches we’ve visited don’t take communion every week but The Gathering does. I love communion. Talk about literally being fed each week! I love the act of walking to the front of the church together as a congregation, I love the bread and the wine, I love the words and I love the act of holding out my hands in need of Jesus. Every week. But I didn’t realize how much I would miss it until suddenly it was happening and I was SO so so happy. Then the moment that really stopped my heart was when they asked us to stand up, hold hands and to cross the aisle to hold hands so “no hand goes un-held” as we said the Lord’s Prayer together. At our old church we kneel, hold hands and say the Lord’s Prayer together which is my favorite part of the service. This is totally naive but I thought our old church was the only church that did that – not the saying of the prayer but the holding hands part. I thought that was unique to our church and it was something I took pride in because for me it was so incredibly special. So to be in a new church where we didn’t know many people and to suddenly have this favorite tradition presented in a new (standing and crossing the aisle) but amazing way just broke me. I just cried. In a very literal way it felt like God was telling me we were home.
Now I have no idea if that is the church we will be in forever or really where God wants us (I don’t get awesome ironclad messages from God) but for now we are excited to explore it a bit. Chris liked it so much that during the soccer games we had after church he was actually looking on his phone at Maplewood homes for sale! HA! WE ARE NOT MOVING but that’s his way of liking something (when we travel and are having the best vacation ever Chris always ends up on his phone looking at houses and daydreaming about living there – I swear we spent half our time in Sanibel this summer talking about moving there!). The kids were a little more unsure but I have to tell you, when I went to pick up the kids from their Sunday school class the teachers had all the parents and kids get a circle and she prayed over us for the coming week. Prayer for my kids was a big reason we left our church so this touched my heart in a really big way. This is a family decision though and if after visiting several more time our kids aren’t on board we will start visiting other places again. For now though we are going to work on slowly getting plugged in there.
Anyway, as we try out a new church and work out the extreme emotions of leaving our old one, part of me feels like I need to leave a little time open. Unscheduled. Time for breakfast dates with new friends or chances to get involved or a class/study that The Gathering might offer. I’m afraid if my time is filled too much I am going to miss out on opportunities that might present themselves in the coming weeks.
So today I am a Bible study dropout but maybe next week I’ll have time available to be a reading volunteer in Gray’s class or have lunch with a friend! I’m going to move forward today not feeling like a total failure and instead look ahead to the possibilities. And even if for the next few weeks I am buried in work at my desk I am going to be eternally grateful for that as well because WOW does this work bless our family.
I promise to stop writing so much and start posting photos and sneak peeks again tomorrow friends! Thanks for allowing me this space to write and work out all the feelings. Because let me tell you, right now I am feeling all the feelings! Happy Wednesday!
Photo by Kristie Cromie of L Photographie