One of the great things about having a blog is that you instantly can get ideas and feedback and opinions on anything. And today I would love to get some advice about something that has me worrying more and more.
Bailey is showing some serious signs of O.C.D.
When Chris was really sick back in November I was on everyone ALL THE TIME about washing their hands. Because I was terrified of the kids getting H1N1. So I’m not sure if that was the catalyst or not, but ever since then Bailey has become obsessed with washing her hands. A couple weeks ago I noticed they were red, raw and bleeding. Since then I talk to her everyday about how some germs are good and some are bad, we’ve put limitations on the hand washing without being overtly concerned b/c I don’t want to show her I’m worried out of fear it would make it worse.
Then last night, and I can’t remember what we were doing, but she told me I couldn’t do (whatever we were doing) that in fact I had to do this b/c then it would be fair.
And THAT little look into her mind scared the hell out of me b/c I know I have some OCD issues and that is one of my oldest. When I was little I was always concerned about things being fair. Not between me and my sister! HA! But between other totally random things. Like if I slept on this side of my pillow last night I needed to sleep on the other side the next night to make it FAIR. Or if I took this stuffed animal out with me today, I had to take that one tomorrow. If I chewed two times one the right side of my mouth I had to chew two times on the left and back and forth until the bite could be swallowed evenly.
I know this is making me sound crazy.
And I still think about things like this. Although it’s gotten a LOT better b/c I know it’s insane. The main difference between me and Bailey is that my mom never had a clue I was ALWAYS thinking about things like that. I kept it hidden very well. I actually remember the first time it came out… I was in high school and we were traveling with family somewhere. We’d stopped for lunch and my mom and I were in the bathroom when she saw me do my bathroom routine of 1. unwind some paper towels 2. turn on the water 3. wash hands 4. get paper towel 5. use wet paper towel to turn off water 6. throw away paper towel 7. use foot (if possible) to open door. She watched me like I’d lost my mind and so when we went back to sit down we got to talking about it all and I confessed other things.
Like the fact that I ALWAYS eat crackers salt-side down on my tongue and then break it in half so each side of my mouth has the same size bite. Or that I shower the SAME WAY every single day b/c something might happen if I don’t. And back then I wouldn’t wear a piece of clothing if I’d tried it on but not actually worn it b/c if it touched my skin it was dirty.
I mean seriously people. Are you wanting to have me committed?
But like I said, in college I realized a lot of these things were crazy and I got it in check. And the little things I still do are so little you would never notice. And of course, I NEVER talk about it. Except for now. On the INTERNET. So the whole world now knows I’m strange!
I think a lot of it is about control for me. I always want to be in control. But I’m not sure what it is for Bailey b/c the things from my childhood that gave me control issues aren’t around for Bailey. For her it seems, so far, that she’s just really scared of germs.
Anyway. Has anyone dealt with this before? Any suggestions? I’ve already left a message with her teachers to please watch how much she washes her hands today but is my next step calling our pediatrician? Parents as Teachers? I feel helpless and so worried b/c I know how much I worried about totally random things when I was a kid and I don’t want her to go through the same thing.
Help blogland!
And thanks!
Okay Jod-
I don’t think you are crazy at all. Your bathroom “routine” sounds like mine. First of all, I very rarely will even use a public restroom. I usually have to be drinking to even dare go in one. Ever since I was a little kid, I would just hold it all day until I got home. Most days I would have to run from the bus to my house b/c I had to pee so bad by the end of the day. It never hit me until my house was actually in site. When I was pregnant I was working 10 hour days and I would still hold it until I got home. It wasn’t until the dr told me that I HAD to pee during the day at about 7 months that I finally used the bathroom at work– and then I would only go once while there! All of this is b/c I think public restrooms are GROSS! I don’t like to touch anything while I am in there and always use my paper towel to open the door once I have my hands washed. I also did the same thing you did about chewing my food. Sometimes I still do. I am telling you all this because I think we all have strange tendancies on some issues. I don’t know what to tell you about Bailey’s hands. Having them raw would be a little scary. I would probably just keep watching her and making sure she isn’t scrubbing too hard each time she washes. Use lots of lotion a few times a day since it is so cold outside.
Have a great day, Jodie!
Hmmm. Definitely no experience here, but I would think that talking to her A LOT about how everything is ok. And it is going to stay ok. I think you are on the right track with the good germ/bad germ thing. Lots of affirmation that she is clean, healthy, beautiful and loved. Oh, little girls’ are so fragile. Praying for you all!
I have trichotillomania, which is an obsessive compulsive disorder. It started when I was a tween/early teen because I hated how some eyelashes were “out of line” with the others. So I’d start pulling and then end up with big gaps in my lashes so I just ended up pulling them all. I have also done the things you talked about with eating food on both sides of my mouth. I still NEVER eat an odd-number of M&Ms!
I’ve shared my OCD issues with others and in doing so, it has freed them to tell me of their own issues. I have come to the conclusion that EVERYONE has some sort of “thing” whether it’s just a little tic or a full-blown disorder. And remember it’s only serious when it starts to interfere with daily living. For example, your hand washing isn’t serious unless you start acting like you must wash X amount of times before you can eat. And then it takes you too long to wash and you don’t have time to eat. See what I mean? (And, by the way, I have the same routine for hand washing, using the towel to turn off the faucet, kicking the door with my feet. I don’t think that’s OCD, I think it’s just smart. There are even signs posted in some bathrooms recommending that “technique.”)
I would agree wholeheartedly that it’s a control issue. At least, it was/is for me. I am not sure how to handle it with young children, though. The only thing I can think is how my daughter so badly wants to be the boss and in control of things. I tell her daily (if not hourly), “Let ME be the mommy. It’s not your job to be mommy.” When she worries about something happening or not happening, I remind her what my job is and what her job is. We have other mantras like “Mommy will keep you safe” and “Mommy always comes back.”
Have you tried praying with her, and teaching her how to ask God for help?
I would suggest talking to her pediatrician first. That would be a good start. Let us know what happens, please!
Hey! I have many OCD tendencies as well, however I don’t have the fairness factor as strong, now that you point it out like that there are some things in my life that I do that are similar. However, I never thought of it as fairness but I get what you are saying.
I have a play therapist that you could contact who maybe able to help you figure out ways to help your kiddo. Her name is Pam Dyson, her email is pam@pamdyson.com. She may be a great resource and will do a free consultation with you.
Just a thought!
I agree with Elizabeth that most people have something like this. Athena will sing the same made-up song line over and over again, at the same volume and intensity, rocking back and forth… and I can see how she *needs* to. I’ve seen it in my boys too. I like to count when I am stressed. Or really all the time.
I think it’s great that you’re talking to Bailey about how some germs are good. Maybe you can find a book about how the immune system works, and she’ll relax a bit knowing some germs will make her stronger.
In the meantime, Aquaphor is great for really badly chapped skin. She might only let you do it at nighttime because it is pretty slimy, but it will be MUCH better by morning.
Hi! I would not worry to much. I think you are on the right track with explaining bad vs. good germs. All of us mothers are always on our kids about washing hands, b/c we can’t afford a whole sick household. I keep hand sanitizer in the car and after we are out and have touched the icky carts, I make sure we put on hand sanitizer in the car. I have a four year old daughter who has to wear her shirts and underwear “in order” going from top to bottom. She also plays with her princesses in a certain way and each day they have to get dressed in a certain “order.” Each day is a different dress until each dress has been worn, and then the process starts from the beginning! I am sure it will pass. I agree many of us all have some degree of OCD!
okay, totally laughing! as a former teacher of children with OCD! what she is showing isn’t over the top! if you want, i could email you the DSM-IV definition of OCD. from this, iwouldn’t say she met the criteria!
what you have to remember is OCD is a manifestation of anxiety…overall OCD is an anxiety driven disorder. we ALL have signs of OCD…ahem, blogging addiction! it’s important to get to the root of her anxiety and manage that in doses. OCD is a coping mechanism for the anxiety driver. it’s all about teaching her healthy coping strategies! providing her healthy alternatives and teaching her awareness in what is healthy and what’s not. start with TOTAL open communication!
okay, now i feel like writing her an IEP with an objective and breaking it down to meet a goal!
jod…she’s fine. BUT, do start addressing so that it doesn’t get out of control.
Thank you for being so honest and sharing your concern. I think that it is normal when a crisis happens in your family that a child tries to make things as consistent as possible. It seems that she is trying to have some control in her little world with her dad getting sick and having her normal routine out of sorts. It’s so had as parents as we have to deal with unseen circumstances and during those times we try to make it as smooth as possible for our kids. Now that things are back to normal I believe that if you continue to do what you have been doing she will soon let go of these “comfort” routines. I think your wise to be proactive and not making it an obvious concern to her.
I know that even with my husband a year ago he was having to have some feeling of control in his life after his father was in a motorcycle accident. He was in ICU unconscious for 2 months and all my husband wanted to do was help him. WIth this out of control feeling he rearranged his closet by color and even at breakfast he would make the pancakes in perfect little circles. Through lots of prayer his father recovered and things slowly started to make a new routine for us and now my husband’s closets back to “whatever” and the pancakes are just how they are when they hit the pan. 🙂 Your family is in my prayers and you are a wonderful momma to be so observant of your children.
I agree that kids LOVE routine. They are in so little control of their own lives (where they go, what they eat, what happens during the day) that they like to do the things they can control. My oldest has hands very much like Bailey’s. And it’s only because it’s winter that they are dry and raw. Her hands are not like that any other time of year. She also used to line her toys all up instead of playing with them. She had to have a certain sippy cup or plate or always eat certain foods a certain way. Again, I think everyone has their own certain “things”. I wouldn’t worry about it too much and much it she may grow out of. Perhaps give her more choices throughout the day to make her feel more in control.
Oh, and I must confess, my shower routine, is exactly the same everyday. 🙂
I don’t have any major suggestions, just wanted to let you know that I too have some of these quirks. I have asked a few of my friends that are psychologist and they say as long as it doesn’t interfer with daily life, it is fine. Like you said, you’ve been able to notice that they are odd and keep them in check. A few years ago I read a book called “control freak”. It was the best thing for me. It helps me realized when I’m controling something and when someone else is doing something just to control things. Good luck with Bailey!
I am SO not OCD. In fact, I am quite opposite of OCD, whatever that may be. My life is ridiculously chaotic and I usually like it that way. I’m a mess, to be honest. That being said, I admit that I have some of the tendencies that you and Bailey have. Although not everyone might agree with me, I personally think I am normal. And considering I work with kids with a huge range of abilities/disabilities, I can say with pretty much certainty that I think Bailey’s going to be a-ok. Just keep doing what you are doing.
i’ve worried about this too, with my kids, because i am obsessive about germs and hand-washing. i’m afraid that i am creating little monsters… so it was helpful to read the comments! thanks for sharing!
First of all… Don’t worry! I have weird routines, balances, and control things too. I think we all do to a certain extent. Some more than others. It’s great to teach your kids about good and bad germs. But the more you obsess over things, the more she will too. I like the idea that others have said about giving her choices in life to give her some control. I truly think she is going to be fine and normal : )
Jodie,
I hope that you don’t worry too much about Bailey. Like others have said, I think we all suffer from some form of OCD, maybe some more than others. The germs things is understandable seeing as you were so pro-washing of the hands since Chris’s contracting H1N1. But on a less serious note, I thought you might appreciate this video by the hilarious duo Rhett and Link called “the perfect bathroom trip”. http://bit.ly/69twf9
Hope it lightens your day a little. 🙂
Hi there,
Much like many of the comments you have received already, we once thought our son had ocd tendencies and we consulted a psychologist. Unless its interferring and taking over their days to complete a routine, its unlikely she has it. I do know from having many kids and having that H1N1 paranoia that we implemented some helpful tips around the house. First off, I think you have Bath and Body works in the states, they have little hand sanitizers that are great. Fits in a pocket, removes any unwanted germs in a heartbeat. Our son was worried about getting germy and we bought him some of that and he felt better, more secure, in control of when he needed to use it. I know that the winter weather can wreak havoc on our skin, and sometimes even without major washing their little hands can dry out and make it seem worse. Maybe try buying her some anti bac sanitizer for her pocket or school bag. As for the fair thing, I get that…I think everyone goes thru that, but perhaps talk to her or heck google helping kids with OCD tendencies, etc…the internet has such a plethora of information its unbelievable.
Ok, thats the end of my ramble. Good luck!! Its tough being a mom. Our lives are complex when we are trying to lead little ones in the right direction.