My birthday was a couple weeks ago. You know, the BIG 3-0. And my friend Tara gave me the best gift ever. A t-shirt.
I mean seriously right?
Perfect.
But here’s the funny thing.
I hate the way I look in this photo. Or any photo really.
Because I have gained weight. I would guess at LEAST 20lbs since giving birth to Grayson 16 months ago. Maybe 30lbs. And I hate it.
And I blame a lot of it on ALL THE MOUNTAIN DEW I DRINK.
Because I drink a lot.
To stay awake and work late, to give me energy on no sleep, to be a happy mom for my kids. To survive my life I drink gallons of Mnt. Dew. And I know that if I just quit cold turkey I would loose at least 10lbs.
But what the hell? My sleepless nights aren’t quite over yet, my late nights are no where near over yet and so I will continue to drink. Because I’d rather be chubby and awake you know?
So as I was looking at these photos Kim snapped of me last weekend I realized that I am no different than any of our clients that joke about photoshopping a double chin or gray hair or wrinkles. Because look at that neck. As if I couldn’t stand to loose a roll or two. Or three.
And when people, mom’s especially, joke about how magical photoshop can be I always stop and tell them…
“Your kids don’t see your wrinkles. Or your bald head.”
“No matter how you look you will never be happy. This is not about YOU. It is about preserving this moment in time for your children.”
And you know what?
I’m right.
My kids do not see my neck rolls. They use my belly as a pillow while I read them stories at night. They don’t care that I get slightly out of breath when going upstairs. They can still get their arms around me for a hug even though I’m a bit wider than I used to be.
And in 20 years they still won’t see those things. My saggy boobs and flabby belly and cottage cheese thighs. All they will see is how young I look. And how happy I seemed to be in photos with them. Because I am. Happy. Happy to be their mom. Proud to be their mom. And I want them to see me in photos so they will remember me at this time and know these things. How loved they are.
And the scary thought at the end of the day is that these are my young years. I’m just getting older. If we think we have wrinkles now, just wait! And what if this is my THIN time? I could just get bigger! HA! Because I think back to college and remember obsessing about how fat I was and now I look back and think I was SO SKINNY! WTF? Why didn’t I just ENJOY my 20 year old body?
And someday I will think the same about today.
So here’s the thing.
Don’t worry about how you look in photos. Just capture the moment. Don’t analyze every spot and roll and hair in your photos. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE AND YOU ARE LOVELY. And everyone else in your life loves you just as you are. So love yourself. And eat dessert if you want to!
And I will enjoy my big 32oz Mnt Dew this morning! HA!
Love, love, love this post! It’s so true. Thanks for the reminder!
You are so funny! I think you look fabulous!! We are our worst critics! You nailed it in a nut shell.
Jodie – I have 3 words for you – you can have your cake and eat it too……
D I E T Mountain Dew
If you ever see a Starbucks t-shirt please send it my way. I could have written this post, except my obesession is with lattes! =) and as a side note, is that your necklace from the Vintage Pearl??? very cute!
Jodie you are just cute!
I’m in the same boat as you I have 20lbs to loose but as of right now I feel that I don’t have the time (or extra energy) to continue the walk/jog that I started in August.
I’m drinking a blue mountain dew voltage right with you! Cheers!
I think you look gorgeous in these pics. Seriously.
I was told the other day that I always look so happy in all my pics. And I suppose that’s what’s important, right? 😉
Thank you for this post. I love it.
I love this post! It’s so true, and you look adorable. We’re our own harshest critics — or at least I think so because no one has every directly insulted my mustache.
I think it’s so funny how similar we all are in some ways. All of us. We think we’re too this or too that….or that we need more of this or of that…or if only we could do more or have more or BE more. If only, if only, if only. The crazy thing is that we COULD be happy with ourselves if we chose to be. It just might take a bit of practice.
I have never seen you outside of your blog. I don’t know that you used to be 20 lbs lighter. For all I know, you’ve lost 87 lbs and you look GREAT! Which is true of all of us. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is being happy and showing people why. Happiness is recognizing beauty. In the world and in ourselves, because it’s there.
I love that you think they way you do about taking pictures of yourself. I love that you’ll post video of yourself dancing with your kids on your blog. I love that you practice accepting yourself by putting yourself out there. I love that you’re willing to allow other people the opportunity to accept you too. Flawed or otherwise.
Bravo.
OK, I get your point.
I just am uncomfortable looking like the “Before” picture for a weightloss campagne, bur never the “After.” This would explain why I took over the camaera in our family, and the Mr. lost 60 pounds.
OK, I get your point.
I just am uncomfortable looking like the “Before” picture for a weightloss campagne, bur never the “After.” This would explain why I took over the camaera in our family, and the Mr. lost 60 pounds.
Harumph!
im so glad you got the necklace you wanted from the vintage pearl! i love mine!
You are the cutest thing ever. LOVE YOU!
I love the way you write, I love the way you shoot, and I love the way you make me laugh. Thank you for being so authentic. I know that your authenticity helps so many people move through the muck and negative self talk that happens to every woman. You are greatly appreciated and respected.
I think you’re cute as a button. I love the new haircut! Great post, great reminder of what’s important!
amen. i love this post. thank
you know i love you….love EVERYTHING about you! this picture is adorable because YOU’RE adorable!
now….do youever wonder why i’m not ever photographed…hee hee….it’s a phobia i have! except when you come in late winter, i’m counting the days! hee hee!
I screamed YES YES YES at the computer when I read this. Why didn’t I love my body in my 20s more? And why do I feel now that I have to be perfect?
I will say one of the things I remember most about my grandma and my mom growing up is that they were always on a diet but they were never thin. Even now I’m 35 and my mom still is perpetually on a diet. That’s not a message I want to pass down to my kids. And as I am raising twin boys, I don’t want them to ever think women have to be thin to be happy. I want them to care more about what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside.
You may not like those photos but when I look at them, I am stunned at the kind eyes and happy face. Your soul really comes through and that means so much more than anything else.
Happy 3-0!
You look beautiful…seriously.. please make a copy of the first pic for me,please
You’re definitely right about one thing. As my mom’s child, I look back at her old photos and DON’T see any wrinkles or fat rolls or anything like that. I marvel at the youth in her eyes, the lack of sadness, and the pure joy of her smile. And I so desperately wish I could be friends with her and ask her all kinds of her secrets.
I love this! I’ve gained almost 40 lbs. It’s the photographer’s curse. We love our lives but too much time is spent on our butts in front of the computer. Too bad we don’t live near each other. We could form a group of fotogs to workout together. 🙂 And you’re right, our kids love us, just as we are. I sound like Bridget Jones. 🙂
Every time I read your blog, you inspire me. Thank you for being so transparent.