My birthday was a couple weeks ago. You know, the BIG 3-0. And my friend Tara gave me the best gift ever. A t-shirt.
I mean seriously right?
But here’s the funny thing.
I hate the way I look in this photo. Or any photo really.
Because I have gained weight. I would guess at LEAST 20lbs since giving birth to Grayson 16 months ago. Maybe 30lbs. And I hate it.
And I blame a lot of it on ALL THE MOUNTAIN DEW I DRINK.
Because I drink a lot.
To stay awake and work late, to give me energy on no sleep, to be a happy mom for my kids. To survive my life I drink gallons of Mnt. Dew. And I know that if I just quit cold turkey I would loose at least 10lbs.
But what the hell? My sleepless nights aren’t quite over yet, my late nights are no where near over yet and so I will continue to drink. Because I’d rather be chubby and awake you know?
So as I was looking at these photos Kim snapped of me last weekend I realized that I am no different than any of our clients that joke about photoshopping a double chin or gray hair or wrinkles. Because look at that neck. As if I couldn’t stand to loose a roll or two. Or three.
And when people, mom’s especially, joke about how magical photoshop can be I always stop and tell them…
“Your kids don’t see your wrinkles. Or your bald head.”
“No matter how you look you will never be happy. This is not about YOU. It is about preserving this moment in time for your children.”
And you know what?
My kids do not see my neck rolls. They use my belly as a pillow while I read them stories at night. They don’t care that I get slightly out of breath when going upstairs. They can still get their arms around me for a hug even though I’m a bit wider than I used to be.
And in 20 years they still won’t see those things. My saggy boobs and flabby belly and cottage cheese thighs. All they will see is how young I look. And how happy I seemed to be in photos with them. Because I am. Happy. Happy to be their mom. Proud to be their mom. And I want them to see me in photos so they will remember me at this time and know these things. How loved they are.
And the scary thought at the end of the day is that these are my young years. I’m just getting older. If we think we have wrinkles now, just wait! And what if this is my THIN time? I could just get bigger! HA! Because I think back to college and remember obsessing about how fat I was and now I look back and think I was SO SKINNY! WTF? Why didn’t I just ENJOY my 20 year old body?
And someday I will think the same about today.
So here’s the thing.
Don’t worry about how you look in photos. Just capture the moment. Don’t analyze every spot and roll and hair in your photos. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE AND YOU ARE LOVELY. And everyone else in your life loves you just as you are. So love yourself. And eat dessert if you want to!
And I will enjoy my big 32oz Mnt Dew this morning! HA!